It has been ages since I have put “pen to paper” and therefore, long overdue. Where do I begin? So much has happened since my living in the moment post.
I suppose because it has been so long since I last wrote anything that this may end up being a jumbled mess with thoughts all over the place but here it goes…
This time last year, poop hit the proverbial fan in this house and although I won’t go into exact detail – I will say that my life really felt as though it was falling apart at the seams. It was all I could do to keep it together. This time it was different though, in the past I would have turned to my vice’s and “checked out” because it was too heavy to deal with but being a mom of two and having given up said vices, I was forced to face it head on. I wasn’t sure what to do, who to turn to, how to handle it. So, I reached out to many – some told me that I should run, leave and “take a break” that it would do the problem some good. That might have been how I dealt in the past but I knew it wasn’t the answer this time. I, of course; had some guidance from close family and a couple really good friends and I suppose that is where I began this journey. My Nana told me I needed to stay put and my friends (who were already Christians), told me I needed God. So, I thought “what have I got to lose.” I reached out to Him. Truth is, I wasn’t sure because I have never been a religious person. I grew up in pretty well an atheist household hearing things like “it’s just a story” (referring to The Bible), if He was real, why would he allow the good to suffer and so forth. So up until a year ago, I had never given much thought about the Big Man upstairs.
Now, I am most certainly not claiming that since I began actively seeking Him, praying and trying to understand what it meant to be a child of God, a Christian; that I am holier than thou, any better, that life is miraculously easier for me or my family. Quite the opposite – far as I am concerned, it is a daily choice – to be the best version of myself possible. Please trust me when I tell you there are many days where I am tested, tried and most definitely out of my ‘comfort zone.’ What I will tell you, however is that I would have walked away from my husband, my marriage had it not been for God. It was because of His strength, His Love, Mercy, Forgiveness that I was able to stay put. There are so many other wonderful things that He gives us without question which is why I was able to not only just ‘stay put’ but also get through everything this last year has thrown at me and fight for my husband, my marriage and my family.
Since I was saved last year, I have been wondering and praying about what I might give up for lent this year. I realize I am almost a week late but I have chosen something which I know will cause much thought for me. I am definitely embarrassed to say I have spent FAR too much time “sucked in” over the last while, missing precious time and even more precious moments on Facebook. While I certainly don’t expect the next few plus weeks to be easy , I absolutely expect them to cause time for reflection, prayer and further growth in my own personal walk with The Lord and really, is that not the whole point?
I am going to try to write a bit each day. Blessings xo