I’ve had a lot of wonderful people approach me through many different social media outlets over the last while. I’ve had compliments,  encouragement and I’ve also been told I inspired them. That I’m rocking my fitness journey, some have said they want to be as dedicated to their own health and fitness journeys like I have been for the last bit.  I have to say that while I’m both incredibly flattered and grateful for the kind words of support and encouragement, I’m no different than any of you!  

Guys, I’m not rocking it, I’m failing forward because I have to, I NEED to!

I don’t take a special pill or anything like that lol! Sure becoming a coach (and the incredibly wonderful community of support it offers) and also my shakes do help me – but I still struggle on the daily!

I struggle with being a good enough wife to my wonderful husband, I fail often at being the Mom I want to (and feel I should) be to my beautiful girls.   For me, and as a recovering compulsive overeater I’m hard wired to turn to food when things get tough so I have to make a choice. EVERY-SINGLE-DAY!

Is it hard? HECK YES!  Do I want to give up sometimes? OF COURSE I DO!  Do I want to go back to that person I was, who I used to be? ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY NOT!! 

I can’t, I won’t, I REFUSE to – not because it’s easy, not because it’s comfortable or comes naturally. In fact it’s hard, uncomfortable and pushed me out of my comfort zone all the time.  I can’t go back to that person I was before – she was angry, she was lost, sad, depressed and miserable. MISERABLE in EVERY sense of the word. When I’m in the food I am NOT a nice person (to put it very lightly), I have a one track mind – FOOD!  I obsess about what I can and can’t eat, I get angry and feel resentful, there are so so many negative behaviours that rule  me, my thoughts and my actions when I’m not ‘on track.’

I digress…

Now it may sound like I’m punishing myself on this new journey, and this path I’m on but I need to assure you, I’m not. 

I really enjoy the person I become when I’m clearer, more focused. Am I perfect? No I’m not but I will not give up. I will fail forward, I will keep going, I will keep pushing. 

I already know what it feels like to quit – I’m going to see what happens when I don’t. 

Thanks for following! 

This began as a Facebook post but once I started typing, I realized I had more to say than just a status update. 

I know I preach this all the time and I’m usually really good at it or at least I try to be!

Today, this moment; is a different story though.  I don’t like to share my downs but there is no such thing as a perfect journey – I am working on embracing this! 
I’m going to be real and authentic – I also want to add that I realize this post may make me seem a tad crazy, what with the back and forth ‘mind banter’ but it’s a struggle I think some may also face.  

My back has been a little tender the past couple weeks but I thought I was doing pretty darn awesome, getting stronger (I know I am or it likely would have happened sooner).  I have suffered with a sore back since a car accident in my late teens (no I wasn’t driving). 

It was pretty sore on Sunday and so I didn’t push myself too hard and then yesterday it was sore but more than manageable to do my Fit Test. 

When it came to the actual workout last night though, I got 10 minutes in and I just couldn’t do it!

Well let me rephrase that, I could have and the old me would have done it anyways, pushed through the pain (and signals my body was giving me to STOP) and made my back WAY worse than it already was at that point. 
Remember before I never did ‘grey’?! Well just because I’m doing (or certainly trying my darnedest to), doesn’t mean it’s EASY! In fact, I would say like any new skill you learn, it takes time! 

Yesterday I struggled greatly to wrap my head around ‘the grey’:

Me (talking to myself): WHAT do you mean I can’t do a workout because my back is out?!

The Grey: You are injured right now and unless you want to be ‘out’ for longer than necessary, you MUST take it easy and try not to beat yourself up!  (I might add that this is also how we talk to our friends) 

Me (talking to myself): BUT THE CALENDAR today says WEEK 6, DAY 1! 

The Grey: Look, I get it! You committed to a program BUT unless you want to do more harm than good, you have to rest!

Me (talking to myself): I’m so mad, I feel like I’m failing again, I have goals and plans for when Insanity is completed.

The Grey: But don’t you see, you aren’t failing or a failure!  You are learning your boundaries and/or limits and learning to listen to your body!  You WILL get back at it this time, you are no longer a serial quitter!

So this is what I’m struggling with right now. I’m working so persistently on embracing the grey. I’m also hoping that I don’t have to take too much time off…

I guess what I am trying to say is – life is going to happen. There will always be ups and downs. If a journey to health and fitness was straight and easy, everyone would do it. 

I think at the end of the day, it’s not WHAT happens, it’s how YOU handle it!