**Please note that my grammar sucks and I am once again trying to find my groove so my thoughts may seem all over the place. Please also forgive me and be patient as I ease back into this writing thang!
What do you do when one of your (or so you thought) supporters isn't really supporting you and it's breaking your heart?
I won't name names because that serves no purpose but I will say that had I not been so blind, I may have perhaps recognized this a whole lot sooner!
Turns out even my husband noticed it ages ago.
So, what do you do? Do you abandon your dreams, goals, ideas you have for yours and your families future? HECK NO YOU DON'T! Perhaps the craziest thing here is that 5 years, 1 year, even as little as 4 months ago I totally would have. I would have listened to the perceived lack of confidence in my abilities – I would have said ya, what good can really come from all of this? What was I thinking cutting my hair, piercing my nose, taking this course, and more… what was I thinking?!
But you know what?! Even though I am disappointed in the lack of support and encouragement, I'm doing all of it anyways. Why you ask?! Because I am finally learning to REALLY just do ME!
I have to say it's scary, it's terrifying even but it's so gosh darn worth it. I have been doing the whole "fake it till you make it" jazz and I am starting to recognize that it's getting easier, I am caring less and less what people think. Doesn't mean I'm walking around being a nasty person, I'm just doing and going for the things I've wanted for.so.long but I was too afraid to in fear of failure. Not just failure for myself and how I would cope but more importantly what others would think or how they would react — Especially if there was doubt on their end to begin with. Someone I really love and whom I am blessed to call my Step Dad mentioned that I need to just go for it, ignore the naysayers, "haters" and JUST DO IT! He actually used far more expressive language but I'm not going to repeat it lol.
This journey called life is messy, it's been even more than usually so this past 7 months and I am doing my best to rise to the occasion. We only get one life, why waste it being miserable – trying to please others and all the while abandoning who you really are… I mean let's face it, we are never going to make everyone happy and even when we try we end up being miserable. So I ask you this, is it worth trying to make everyone else happy but in turn living a life filled with crushed dreams, disappointment in not having gone after what you really wanted and felt called to do/be?!
Thanks for following and the continual support. Xo